OMG! Prof. Row what is up with not grading me? Let me explain something, my self-esteem and existential anxiety-level are dependent on two things: first and foremost, my weight, and second, my grades. Without theselittle letters and numbers to rank my worth I am entirely lost. There'sno innate understanding of self-value in Gabby's world. It comes from the outside, from scales and mirrors, and professors like yourself. I appreciate your constructive criticism on my creative response, as a student it really does mean alot to know that a teacher took the time to read and respond to your work but...there is no grade. I looked its not there! And just judging from your comments, you have to know, I am imagining horrible things like Cs and B-s. Now if this is where I stand on the particular assignment that is fine, I respect your authority as a teacher and will accept the bellow A grade stoically. I'm not one to make a scene and promise to wait to be in my car before I start crying. But, you see I need to know what it is, like ripping off a band aid just give it to me... maybe like a B+? I didn't know our poems had to be like , good, (just between us and whoever is reading this blog I'm actually a pretty bad writer) but I thought the grades would be based not just on our work but also on how we interpreted and managed our subjects work, which I was really very thoughtful about.
Im taking a deep breath. O.k. My grade is what it is. I am letting it go. I am visualizing. I put it in a box I wrap it up and throw it off the steepest cliff into the ocean.
I am not my grades or my not so wonderful paper comments. I am whole. I am perfect. I exsit in a world beyond words and ego and persons, everything melds together and I am just a part,not seperate,impossible to distinguish,just a peice of seeweed floating in the ocean.
And I lost a pound, so, despite being gradeless, my existence is obviously still justified.
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